86: If You Want Better Habits, Change This First.
Be Brilliant In Your Business Podcast, Episode 86.
Welcome to a new day! Whether you're kicking off a fresh week or a brand new year, right now is the very best moment to practice being who you want to be.
That means getting clear and honest about which habits that support you...and which don't. Today we are talking about how to change a habit - how to create a new habit you want, or how to break a habit you don't want.
But, instead of just focusing on the actions to take (or avoid) I want to cut the core of WHY we behave the way we do, because real and lasting change is a sweet collaboration between our identity (who we think we are) and our actions (what we do).
In order to change, you need to change both your identity and your actions. And I have a little tip to help you make these changes sooooo much easier, faster and less painful. You ready? Let's dive in!
IN THIS EPISODE:
Introducing the Maverick HQ Listener Hub - a library of business tools and resources to help you manage your time and energy, create clarity and cultivate joy in your life! Join for free at linsibrownson.com/maverick
Inside the Maverick HQ you can apply to be a guest on the podcast, plus you get direct access to me for questions, coaching and more.
Overthinking, busyness, people-pleasing and undercharging are habits too! The good news is that we can break these patterns in the same way we'd break habits like overeating, shopping or drinking.
Our behavior comes from our identity. Habits are actions that reinforce our identity.
In order to change a habit permanently, we need shift our identity in relation to the behavior.
When you try to change your behavior through willpower and force, it requires a lot of energy and repetition to change. As soon as you "take your eye off the ball" the behavior stops.
If you focus on the identity shift first, the change in behavior feels natural instead of forced. You remove the resistance and can adopt the actions faster (sometimes instantaneously).
I give examples of an email habit, yoga habit and drinking habit.
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Episode Links:
Join the Maverick HQ for free business tools, coaching, and apply to be a podcast guest.
Read The Transcript:
You are listening to Be Brilliant in your Business, the podcast for busy business owners to take charge of your time and energy to create meaning and momentum in your life. I'm your host, Linsi Brownson, certified coach and seasoned entrepreneur, and I know what it takes to run a thriving small business that works for your life. Join me for an honest look into the minds of small business owners as I share with you stories, coaching and solutions to the biggest problems that keep people from realizing their dreams.
Before we dive into today's episode, I want to welcome new listeners. I'm so glad you're here. And I look forward to being part of your brilliant business. Be sure to hit the subscribe button, because we've got new episodes for you each week. Are you ready?
Let's go. Hey, Mavericks. Welcome back. Happy New Year. It's 2021. We did it. We are here. So excited, relieved, and just really pumped from taking a month long break from the show. I hope you didn't miss me too much. Actually, I hope you did. miss me, that's actually the ultimate goal, I think is to be noticed, when you're not around. That's what I want. So anyway, either way, I hope you had a wonderful holiday. I also hope that you got some time off some downtime to do with whatever you wanted to do with your time. And I hope that you are as excited as I am to get back to work and to kick off this year with a bang. Of course, if you are not listening to this in the beginning of January in 2021, then well, wherever you are, I'm sure you can use a little dose of New Year's enthusiasm.
So we are going with it. So what did you guys do over the holidays, we didn't do a whole lot. Actually, it was kind of a boring, I'll say boring on paper, it was fabulous. For me, not a lot of excitement, I gotta say I watched a lot of TV, I really, really spent an exorbitant amount of time in front of the television, which I don't know, as a life coach is maybe failing at life. But I really enjoyed it. I also did a lot of work. And by that I mean I had a ton of creative energy that came from having a couple of weeks without any client appointments without any appointment appointments. And so I had a bunch of projects that I wanted to work on. And I have had all of these planned out. And I knew I was going to be doing this with my holiday quote break. But I planned it in such a like flexible and leisurely enjoyable way that it didn't feel like work at all, it really felt like living my best entrepreneurial life ever. just creating things, so much creation, so much energy, so much excitement.
And I got some really, really cool things done and I got some really cool things started. So I can't wait to share some of that with you. In fact, I'm going to share one of them with you right now. over the break, I created a listener hub for this podcast called the maverick HQ. As you guys know, I call you Mavericks that's my pet name for you. And I realized now that since so many listeners are newer, within the last year, that you may not know the backstory on the maverick at all. But the gist of it is that a maverick is somebody who does things on their own terms. And they are willing to go out in the world and forge their way, sometimes even against what everybody else is telling them they're supposed to do or who they're supposed to be. And I think that applies so brilliantly to you to the people who listen to this podcast, really, you're out there in the world, forging your own path, doing a business that even though there are other people doing similar businesses, there's no one quite like yours. And I guess that's technically true for any business. But it's especially true for creative small businesses. And I really think that that's something to celebrate, to embrace.
And I love this title for you. So the Maverick HQ is the listener hub. It's like the library for the best stuff that I can give you all the goodies that I've created in the past four episodes and everything that We'll keep creating now and forevermore into the podcast future. This is the library to hold it all together. So what we've got inside at the HQ is a bunch of useful tools, from past episodes, any like workbooks and worksheets that I've created, downloads, the guided visualization, the clarifying questions, and all of the stuff that I've ever created for these episodes. Plus, I went in and I revamped them, I made sure they're still relevant, and created some new things. I've also thrown in some of my older digital products.
Throughout the years, I've been in business a long time. So I've created a lot of resources, and some of them are really great. So I went through and comb through the best stuff that I've got and put it all together. And everything is available in there for you to download completely free. I even have a workday, wind down ritual. This is a really simple process that I love to do. And I totally forgot about this, you guys, it was never mentioned in the podcast. But it's something I found it I was like, Oh, this is gold. So that is in there, too. There's just some really great stuff. And it's totally free. So you sign up, you can get in there all of your resources in one spot. And I will be continuing to add stuff now that I have a house for it. I will be thinking for our future episodes of more stuff that I can give to you. But really, what I want to know is what you guys want. So this is a great place.
Part of the reason that I want to have listeners in this hub is so that I can get your direct feedback so that I can really hear what are the resources that you want? What is it that you need? What are you struggling with? What can I talk about on the podcast that's helpful for you? And what resources can I accompany with that, so that you are really getting the support that you want through this show. So that is really exciting.
The Maverick HQ is at www.linsibrownson.com/maverick where you can join it for free. This is also inside the hub is now where the Ask me anything where you can get free coaching, you can pick my brain on any topic, and basically you just get direct access to me. So I'm going to be answering questions in there every week. And you can submit your question, it's anonymous. So that's a great place to go as well, if there's things that you want to know for me, or if you just want to have a little bit more of a two way conversation, this is the place to be. And last but not least inside the hub, this is where you can apply to be a guest on the show. So I am going to be bringing more guests on the show. But my guests are always people who I invite on because there are people that I really want to talk to. I don't take podcasts, delicious solicitations, I don't do trades, I really genuinely get excited about all of the people that I bring on the show. And so I was thinking who better to have on the show than the people who are already part of the community who are listeners, because you're a business owner, which means that you're an expert at something, and you know firsthand the challenges that come with being a creative and with being a business owner.
Because you're a listener, I also know that you are into personal development that you understand that we grow our businesses by growing ourselves. And all of that is to say that I know we're already aligned, right. So you've got something really valuable to offer to other listeners. And inside the maverick HQ is how we can connect and get you on the show. So come and join me. Like I said, it's totally free. Really, this is a big thank you for being a listener. It means so much to me to be able to do this work and to be part of your business. And I can't wait to see what else we can create together.
So go to www.linsibrownson.com/maverick to join for free. I will see you inside. Alrighty, are you ready to dive into talking about habits? Yes, of course you are. Because it's January, because everybody is thinking right now about habits or resolutions or simply just think about it's not 2020 anymore, this year is going to be different, right? So we often think about our habits as they relate to our eating habits or drinking or shopping or smoking or sleeping. But I also want you to really think about the less obvious habits like overthinking that's a habit fizziness is a habit of committing to things that you don't want to do and then resenting it later on. Yeah, that's a habit too. That's usually not a one off kind of thing.
So is undercharging Oh, such a bad habit to break? So today we're talking about changing our habits, either breaking a habit or creating a new one. And one of the simplest tricks that I have myself Leave to make changing them easier, make them faster, smoother, and sometimes even instantaneous habit change. So good. So in order to use this trick that I've got for you, here's what you need to know about human behavior. You may already know this. But then if you do, then this is just a simple reminder, because I want to bring it back to the front of your mind, bring it back to the front of your mind, yes, we're going with it.
So our behavior, what we do comes from our identity, who we think we are. If you are a listener of the show, you've heard me talk about this before, but our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings drive our actions, and our actions produce results that prove our thoughts true, is a lovely yin yang situation, between identity and behavior. Or if you're a pessimist, it's a catch 22 is a feedback loop between your identity and your behavior. Now, this is a little bit of a sidebar, not a total sidebar, though, but I want to remind you that we never do any bad behavior more than once, at least not from a neuroscience perspective. So there's always a reward that reinforces that behavior.
So often, we think about our, quote, bad habits. And we think, I don't know why I do that, or I don't know why I did that. Because in your logical conscious mind, you're focused on the consequences of the, quote, bad behavior. But in your nervous system, it's like, oh, that was great behavior, we should totally do that, again, because it's all about getting that rush of dopamine in your system. So you get a reward from your behavior. And you might think it's bad behavior, but your body's like, No, we want to keep doing that. That is why you repeat behaviors, that you are not a fan of, it's not because you're a masochist, it's because you're getting a reward that your body has deemed more important than whatever the consequence is. And usually, that happens simply because you're not aware of it. And you haven't yet presented your brain and your body with an alternative option. So let's talk about changing a habit or giving yourself alternative options.
We understand now that our identity and our behavior are intrinsically linked, those are the two components of a habit or an ongoing recurring behavior. So in order to change a habit, for the long term, you want to be looking at both the behavior itself and your identity around it. So most people try to change habits by changing the behavior by changing the action only. But what happens is that this requires then the use of willpower, it means that it's only going to work so long as you're very diligently enforcing it. And then as soon as you stop paying attention, or when your willpower fades, that behavior goes right out the window. So we all know the classic example of a diet maybe for 14 days, it's a 14 day diet, you do really good, you're super diligent, you get great results. And you're like, I love this diet, this works great for me. But then as soon as the diet ends, or the 14 day period ends, you start slowly sliding back into your old ways. And all of a sudden, it's completely out the window. Because the habit hasn't been formed yet.
A habit has to be repeated enough times that it becomes automatic for you. And depending on what the behavior is, that can take anywhere from a few weeks to even a few years, sometimes to have that much repetition. But when you understand that your identity is what shapes your behavior, and then your behavior will reinforce your identity. And you can see that full circle, and you can take the pressure off of just doing the right thing, and instead put your attention on being the person who does the things. Right. Because think about it this way. It's very hard for a chronic under earner to charge more money. Have you ever had, in fact.
This is a good example, I have talked with business owners who do all this work to like figure out what their pricing is. And then they get on a sales call, and they quote something completely different way lower than what they wanted to say. And they're like, I don't know what happened. It just came out. Like I'm just in the habit of undercharging, right. So if you're a chronic under earner, it's going to be challenging for you. It's going to take a lot of effort for you to charge more money but It's not hard at all, for an empowered earner to charge what they're worth. Just like, it's very hard for a people pleaser, to say no to someone, but it's super easy for a person with healthy boundaries to say, you know, I'd love to, but I just can't see what I mean.
So the habit that you want to have includes being the person who naturally does the thing. And if you focus on that identity piece first, then you actually can move into a frame of mind where you prefer doing the activity, or you prefer not to do the activity if, if you're trying to break a habit, instead of having to force yourself to do it while you believe that it's really hard. Right? So it's like creating this uphill battle for yourself by focusing on the behavior versus creating this very natural flow and organic shift by focusing on the identity. So does it work the other way around? Right? Can you change your identity by changing your behaviors? For sure, yeah, because remember, the action does give you evidence, it does reinforce the new identity. So if you do the activity enough times, let's go back to the diet example. If you do the diet, if you just repeat your 14 day cycle for an entire year, over time, of course, you will adopt a new identity of a person who eats healthier or a person at a new weight, right? Because you've reinforced that with enough evidence, and you've been able to close that loop.
This is a both and situation, right. But when you do it that way, the behavior way first, or behavior focused, it makes it harder, it makes it a lot less fun. And the biggest problem that I found is that we tend to continue to stay blind to a whole lot of the evidence that we have. So even when we're doing the right actions, we tend to discount them or discount our efforts. Because we don't have the identity, we don't see ourselves the way that we want to see ourselves. So it's harder for us to recognize the progress that we are making, even when we are making progress if we don't put true attention and effort into shifting our identity at the same time.
So I'll give you an example of someone who thinks that they drink too much, who wants to cut back on their drinking, this is a conversation I had recently. So this person drinks, two drinks every night. So that's 14 in a week. And they wanted to cut back to only doing it three nights a week. So in their mind, they would be drinking on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. And for the rest of the week. No more drinking. So they put this plan in place. And Monday night they decided not to drink, right. They're following their plan. And it was hard. It wasn't really fun. But they're super committed to doing it right. So it's okay, they got through it. Tuesday, same exact thing. Not fun, but they got through it. But then Wednesday came along. They had a terrible day, and decided Wednesday night like I'm just gonna drink tonight. And I won't do it tomorrow night. Right. So Thursday's supposed to be a drinking night. I'm just gonna swap these days. And then Thursday comes and Thursday was actually a great day. But at the end of Thursday, because it was such a great day. They were like, well, EFF it, let's just do it. It's not a big deal, right. And so Thursday night, they drink as scheduled Friday, and we're like, it's already on my plan. I might as well do it. Saturday, same thing. And then Sunday came along, and they were so bummed and mad at themselves feeling totally defeated. And then of course really wanting to drink Sunday night because they've already failed at this whole miserable three day a week thing.
I know that this is an unrelated topic to business, but I think it's such a perfect, like crystal clear picture of something that we've all experienced, right? This like I'm all in I'm so committed to doing this and how quickly our habits can start to unravel. Because here's the thing, this person sees themselves as an over drinker who's trying not to drink and then they failed at it. But what they didn't see is that in the course of that first week, instead of having 14 drinks, that's what they would have had. If they had done it tonight. They had 10 so in their first week of trying to change a habit that they were very used to having that they really enjoyed having right they didn't like the consequences that they enjoyed doing the thing. They actually improved by almost 30% which I I'm not even sure is the correct math because their goal was to still have six drinks a week, and they had 10. So, anyway, 30%, I think is even like aiming a little bit low. But that is a huge improvement on a habit in their first week of trying to change something. But they couldn't even see that because their identity was so wrapped up in being this person who over drinks and who's doing it wrong. That's all they could see.
So the actions were right, they weren't perfect, but they were on track to be making change in their life. But they still carry this identity of failure. And that was driving the entire experience. So I like this example. Because again, sometimes we get so focused on our specific problems and thinking about business that it can be helpful to just put it in a completely different context. And I think that's a really beautiful example. So to change your habits, you want to shift your identity, and then choose actions that support your new identity. So you want to design yourself your own habit loop, understanding that you're changing two things, in conjunction in kind of smaller, but more holistic ways. I hope that makes sense. So here's my trick to do that.
Whatever your habit is, whether it's breaking one or making one, I want you to assign yourself your new identity by saying, I'm a person who, or I prefer to dot dot dot, fill in the blank, right? So I'm a person who checks my email twice a day, I'm a person who does yoga in the mornings, or shifting your identity from, I'm a person who drinks too much to I prefer to drink three nights a week. And with this identity, what is the bare minimum behavior that will allow you to maintain this belief. So if this is something that you don't believe at all, if this identity, you can't find any evidence to support it, which for most of us, that will not be the case, I can almost promise you that if you really question yourself, you will find proof that you are in fact, already good with money, or you're already good with time, or you are able to finish what you start.
So that is a really great starting point, give yourself the identity that you want to have. And then see where you already have some proof that you can do it. And then focus the behaviors on support or maintenance of that belief. But if you can't find anything, and you really need to build a new identity for yourself, then what is the smallest amount of proof that you that can show you that maybe just maybe you can be this person. And I really think that it helps to focus on what you can do today, or what you can do immediately. So it's not yoga everyday for a month that helps you believe you do yoga in the mornings, it's yoga for the next three minutes, like right now, or it's yoga today. And it's not, I only check email at 9am and 4pm. From now until forever. It's I will check my email next time at 4pm today. And when you successfully do it, then you tell yourself, I am a person who checks my email twice a day. So it's going to look different for everyone depending on where you're at and what your challenges are.
But looking at the smallest ways, the easiest avenues for you to shift that identity will make your behavior changes so much easier. And it will really take your whole self into consideration. So I hope that this is helpful for you as a quick recap, our behavior comes from our identity and reinforces our identity. So you want to make sure as you're trying to change habits, either breaking habits or creating new ones, that you're looking at both what you do, and how you see yourself or who you think you're being in your head into consideration at the same time. And you want to find that balance that is going to help you support continuing to take the actions while you continue to see more and more proof for who you want to be or who you think you are.
And the quickest, easiest way to do that is to look for the minimum threshold that will give you evidence so that you can basically present it to your brain to say See, I'm already this person. I'm already successful at this. All we're trying to do is maintain it. We're just trying to continue taking actions and building habits that are in alignment with who we already are. It's so easy And it's gonna look a little bit different depending on what your habit is. But this is a really simple and kind of loving way to approach changing and improving ourselves. All right, you guys have a fabulous week. If you liked this episode, there's definitely someone that you know who would also really appreciate it. So send them a little Hello, send them the link, you can do it right through your podcast app and tell them they should have a listen, or take a screenshot and share this out on social media. I also have created a new Instagram account for this podcast. It's at Be Brilliant podcast. That's another little project I did over the holidays. So I am also still at Linsi Brownson as well. If you want to tag me on Instagram. You can find me at Be Brilliant podcast and at Linsi Brownson. All right, you guys cheers have a fabulous week. You love these weekly doses of insight and inspiration for your business. Then you gotta join me in the maverick HQ. This is our listener library full of helpful tools to create clarity, spark creativity, and manage your time and energy like a boss. It's all inside the maverick HQ. And it's totally free for you. Head to www.linsibrownson.com/maverick to join me right now. I'll see you inside.