76: The One Thing You Need (And Don’t Need) to Navigate Transitions
On today’s episode, I am talking about making transitions in our lives. I am also talking about the one thing you need and the one thing you don’t need to do it gracefully. Can we do transitions gracefully? Well, we can certainly try to transition gracefully.
I talk about confidence vs. self-confidence. What are the differences and what do you need to navigate through transitions.
In This Episode:
[01:05] This year has been a big year for many of us and it has created an opportunity or necessity for many of us to make some pretty significant transitions in some aspect of our lives.
[02:15] The process of a transition is challenging and uncomfortable.
[03:08] Transition naturally brings up a lot of our emotional challenges.
[04:01] Transitions are tricky because they bring up all of that old stuff for us to work on plus we’re adding these new intentional things that we are working on.
[05:31] Self-confidence is knowing that you can handle yourself no matter.
[06:16] You won’t have confidence with things that you haven’t figured out yet.
[06:39] Self-confidence is something you create with self-talk.
[07:33] Having your own back means you are always asking yourself to grow and do better.
[08:19] If you know that you have to fail your way to confidence and you choose to have your own back the whole way there you can feel the momentum behind that idea and be compelled to move forward.
[09:21] Self-confidence begins with how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, and what you make things mean about you when they do or don’t go your way.
[10:22] You can assign meaning to both negative and positive outcomes that will impact your self-confidence.
[10:38] How can you have your own back no matter what? What would that look like for you?
[11:01] Use this transition phase as an opportunity to build your self-confidence and to build a powerful and loving relationship with yourself.
Connect with Linsi:
Transcript
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Hey, Mavericks. Welcome to the show. Today, we're talking about making transitions in our life. And the one thing that you need, and the one thing you don't need in order to do it, gracefully. I don't know if that's really the word can we do transitions gracefully raise your hand, if you have done a graceful transition, I don't really think that I do graceful. I try. So this year has been a big year. For many of us, it has created an opportunity or necessity for many of us to make some pretty significant transitions, whether it's in our lives or in our businesses, but even just reflecting back on some of the transitions that my clients have made over the course of this year. But things I'm thinking about are like going back to school and getting certifications or getting new trainings. Taking your business online or taking your entire marketing practice online, right, creating signature programs. Some of you have built virtual summits, some of you've written a book, a few of my clients have written a couple of books this year, amazing moves, divorces, homeschooling your children moving your business to a new city, changing from one to one services to creating one to many services, right?
There's so many things that we do all the time in our business, but especially this year, it seems like a lot of us have been taking that leap into making some pretty significant changes. And the process of a transition is challenging, it is uncomfortable, right? Because there's this part of you, that's very much in student mode, you're consuming a lot of information, you're rapidly processing, you're using a lot of your conscious brain, your prefrontal cortex, you're learning new skills, it seems like every day, there's something new to learn, right? And you're hanging out in this nebulous, unknown space, you're trying on experimenting with new things, and just really not knowing exactly what it's gonna look like. This is all part of transitions that are so necessary for us to really live meaningful lives and to have businesses that just fit us so perfectly for the life style and the person who you want to be. Right.
But transition naturally brings up a lot of our stuff. This is the word that I hear a lot that we tend to use, this is what we call our emotional challenges. So transition, it's almost like, we kind of always know that we have these emotional challenges, things that set us off easily. Like, for example, you know, getting easily overwhelmed when there's a lot going on and just sort of pushing stuff away and being like, I can't be bothered with this, I can't deal with this. I can't handle it, right. That's something that maybe you experience at a micro level in a lot of ways. But in a transition phase. It's like taking a spotlight and just shining the light as bright as possible on to this challenge of being like, hey, guess what, you're going to work on this right now.
So transitions are tricky, because it brings up all of that old stuff for us to work on. Plus, we're adding these new intentional things that we're working on who we're trying to become. And we're also continuing to live the life that we currently have and being the person that we have always been right. So it's kind of like having our foot in two different worlds. It's why it's called like transition here in both spaces at once. And like really keeping your energy and excitement focused on what it is that you want to have. So it's a challenging time. I think I've illustrated that pretty accurately.
And here's the thing. So when we're talking about navigating these transitions of our lives, there is something that many of us are looking for and not getting and it's creating lots of drama and lots of problems and the That is confidence. This is something that gets in the way for so many people. And here's what I want you to know. You don't need confidence to navigate through a transition. In fact, you weren't going to have confidence while you are going through a transition phase.
What you need instead, is self confidence. And the difference is key here. Because confidence is knowing that you can do certain things. Self Confidence is knowing that you can handle yourself no matter what. So confidence is created by competence. And when you're in a phase of transition, you don't have competence yet, that is what you're in the process of building. And so many of us who are very confident and competent in our old ways of being or in the business that we used to have, or that we still have, that we're trying to move on from, we get very frustrated with ourselves. When we struggle with new things. We think that we should be confident in new things, because we're confident in old things. But that simply isn't the case. You won't have confidence with things that you haven't figured out yet.
So I want you to just try this thought on and see if you can start to let go of your desire your need to feel confident in things. When you don't write, you just don't really need to have it. But what you can have instead is self confidence, which is something that you create with self talk. So my favorite way of thinking about this is having your own back. And this is a term that I learned from my mentor Brooke Castillo, and I love it. Because it makes me think about myself, as a dear friend, as someone who I respect, who I admire, makes me think that I am someone who I will always be supportive of my own best interest, which doesn't mean I will always agree with what I've done or what I am currently doing right? It doesn't mean that I'm going to serve myself platitudes. But having my own back requires honesty and integrity. And it all comes from this deep love and respect.
So having our own back means that we will always be asking ourselves to grow and to do better. And that in the process of doing that, our focus is on supporting ourselves as best as we possibly can. I send us in early days of the podcast, I don't remember when I used to say it a lot. But I think of it like stack the deck in your favor. Why wouldn't you give yourself every possible thing that you could need to feel fully supported, to feel fully aligned to feel fully cared for, and taking care of ourselves getting our needs met? Why wouldn't we do that for ourselves as a way to just be like, all in on what it is that we're moving forward toward.
So if you know that you will have to fail your way to confidence and you will, and you choose to have your own back the whole way there. You can feel some momentum behind that idea, right? You can feel compelled to move forward, instead of afraid to stop. And I want to just contrast that to the experience of feeling impatience or feeling pressure to have things figured out already. It's a very different feeling that is going to drive all of the actions that you take and the experience that you have on the whole. And it will create the results for you faster. If you're willing to feel self confident, and keep going and move faster and fail faster, right? It's going to go so much faster and smoother. If you allow yourself to just fail all the way there.
So self confidence begins with how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself. And what you make things mean about you, when they do are don't go your way. Because you can erode your self confidence with positive things too. For example, if you make a sale or if you sign a client, and you make that mean that you are worthy or that you're doing a good job, then your self worth is going to hinge on that happening. And then when it doesn't happen, or if it doesn't happen for a while, if it takes a while to get there, then your self confidence will weaken. Right. So this makes me think about actors who talk about getting these amazing roles, these life changing roles, and then worrying that they'll never work again, it's like no matter how much money they make, or how many people love them and adore them, they're always thinking like, well, it'll never happened. Again, it's a fluke, right? I'm going to go broke.
So you can assign meaning to both positive and negative outcomes that will impact your self confidence. So my question for you is, how can you have your own back no matter what, what would that look like for you? And I want to leave you with that question. But to summarize, you don't need confidence to navigate the big transitions in your life. And I hope that this lets your mind, ease up a little bit, so that you can stop searching for that or waiting for it to show up. And instead, use this transition phase as an opportunity to build your self confidence and to build a really powerful loving relationship with yourself. I hope this has been helpful. Have a great week, I'll talk to you soon.
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