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Be Brilliant In Your Business Podcast, Episode 106

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“In the desire to do the right thing, we often do nothing.” - Linsi Brownson

Hey Maverick, today we are diving into one of my favorite topics to coach on - perfectionism! 

Many creative entrepreneurs struggle with perfectionist tendencies, in part because they don’t realize they have them. Even people who consider themselves “perfectionists” (ahem, that’s a label I don’t agree with) often miss the subtleties that cause the most havoc in their lives.

Because perfectionism isn't about having high standards or wanting things to be perfect. In fact, most of the people who I talk with about this aren’t aiming for perfection. 

But what they are aiming for, and what trips them up the most, is finding what is “right.”

The right marketing strategy.

The right way to say no to something they don’t want to do.

The right time to start.

The right price to charge.

Even the right podcast episode to get inspired for the day! 

Whether it’s a big or small decision, when you think the words “right” or “best”,  you can be sure that perfectionism is in play. 

In this episode, we will identify habits that you may not realize are the results of perfectionism and get you in the mindset to address them head-on and free yourself from these limitations.

In this episode, I talk about …

1. One of my sneaky perfectionist tendencies, and how I break the pattern.

2. Why small moments of perfectionism can be your roadmap to freedom.

3. What you need more than the right answer.

4. How to use your body as a compass in your decision-making.

How to stop perfectionism in its tracks.

If you have the tendency to have perfectionist thoughts, catching yourself in these thoughts is key. Being able to snap out of it and say “Why am I putting so much pressure to find the perfect podcast to listen to on my walk” is not easy when we are in the habit of indulging our perfectionism, but as with almost everything, practice makes ….. us better at identifying these patterns in the moment so that we are able to continue working on ourselves.

I find catching these moments extremely freeing. It is a completely human thing to do and nothing that we should beat ourselves up over.

How to change your perfectionist mindset.

Instead of beating yourself up when you identify these perfectionist tendencies, we need to think "Oh, that's really interesting!  I see why I'm doing that and it's not effective. So, let me do something else”.

When I realized that my habit of feeling like I had to find the perfect podcast for my walk was actually counterproductive, I decided that I needed to change my thoughts around picking my podcast. Instead of thinking “the content of this podcast will affect my mood”, I changed the thought to be “I trust that there is something of value to find in each episode and I will hear exactly what I need to hear”.

And so instead of overthinking and being frustrated at myself for taking so long, I've just given myself permission to get what I need from whatever is available to me right now. 

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There is no right way. 

There really is no right or wrong answer. There are simply options and choices. If you choose something and don’t like it, you can choose something else. But the truth is that you can only truly know something in hindsight. You have to make a choice in order to find out. 

The beauty of releasing yourself from the all-or-nothing mindset of perfectionism is that it will also give you the freedom to change your mind and make adjustments without judging yourself or wasting time in indecision. 

Build a relationship with yourself that values your intuition and your ability to handle yourself in any situation. This is all you really need to move forward at this time.

Use your body as a compass.

I encourage you to play with changing the narrative of your perfectionist thoughts and seeing how it feels on your body. See if it feels freeing, see if it gives you a sense of kindness and self-compassion, see if it gives you permission to just choose something and go. 

Remember that it is not always all or nothing, and that sometimes noticing these behaviors or changing your mindset will not always work, but that is ok! Play around with it and find the narrative that will free you from your perfectionist thoughts.

Links 

1. Get energized and organized with free resources inside The Maverick HQ vault.

2. Follow me @linsibrownson on Instagram for more business and mindset tips.

3. Connect with Be Brilliant Podcast @bebrilliantpodcast on Instagram.

4. Want to work with me? Learn more about coaching and availability.

5. Love this show? I would really appreciate your review in iTunes, Audible, or Spotify!

6. Credits: Sound production by hearnoevilmedia.com

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Episode 106 Transcript

Linsi Brownson  0:08  

You are listening to Be Brilliant In Your Business, the podcast that helps you create a rich business and meaningful life. I'm your host, Linsi Brownson, and I'm here to deliver a creative cocktail of pep talks and practical tools to break the habit of being busy so you can have what you really want in life. If you are new to the podcast, welcome! I am so glad you're here and look forward to being part of your Brilliant Business. Before we dive into today's episode, I'd like to remind you that if you're a fan of the show, the best way to show it is to share it. Take a screenshot of this episode and tag me @linsibrownson, or leave us a review in your favorite podcast app. It means so much and I love being able to connect with you a little bit more personally. So are you ready? Let's go. 

Linsi Brownson  1:00  

This episode is brought to you by Ultimate Business Clarity, my guided meditation and action plan to help you connect with your ideal business and lifestyle and start making meaningful steps toward creating it today. This visualization tool is one that I have been using for over 15 years in my life. And I credit it for being the very thing that opened my eyes to the possibilities that have now become the reality of my life. It is powerful, it works and I am so thrilled to be able to share it with you. The Ultimate Business Clarity, meditation, and action plan is free for you. It's available right now inside the Maverick HQ. Simply go to linsibrownson.com/Maverick and sign up to receive instant access to ultimate business clarity today. 

Linsi Brownson  1:53  

Hey, hey Mavericks. Welcome to the show. Today is such a fun episode. And I know I say this pretty much every time. But I am really excited to share this topic with you today. Because we are talking about perfectionism and a sneaky perfectionist tendency that I have been noticing in myself.

This is why it's so fun. Because I love sharing with you real things that I struggle with that I also know that you struggle with. And I think that you are going to recognize this in yourself, if not exactly in the way that I'm talking about. You'll see something that you do that has a similar flavor to it, right? So this perfectionist tendency is something that leads me to overthink a situation, this particular one and it's really counterproductive to what it is that I actually want. It's so fascinating to recognize when we are doing things that are giving us the complete opposite result. It's not just that it isn't working, but it's doing the opposite of what we think it's going to do. It's so - I - I love this stuff because it gives me so much freedom in my life to see this in myself. 

I'm going to tell you what it is that I've been noticing. And then I will share what I do to stop the overthinking and to actually get what I need from the situation. Right. So before I get into that, I want to share a little note about perfectionism, or let's just breach the topic of this overall. So perfectionism isn't having high standards, it isn't about wanting things to be perfect. In fact, perfectionists often don't recognize these tendencies in themselves, because they aren't actually aiming for perfection. That's not a word that they really identify with. But what perfectionists do think about regularly is right or wrong, good or bad, black or white, and all or nothing, thinking. This is the whole basis of the belief system that causes perfectionism. And here's the other thing that I want you to know. Perfectionism isn't a personality trait. It's not an identity, or who you are. Perfectionism is when your all-or-nothing beliefs stall you out. Because you think that there's a right or wrong way, then you're not ready to take action until you have the right answer. So in the desire to do the right thing, we often do nothing, or we do less than what we could, or what we need to be doing in order to get what it is that we really want. So overthinking is a very common reaction to perfectionist thinking, because we believe that if we can think long enough or hard enough or smart enough, then we will have a guarantee to our success. 

And that is all an important preface to what I'm about to share. Because the most insidious thing about perfectionism is that this habit shows up in such tiny moments of our lives. So we often just don't pick up on it. Or when we do recognize these tendencies, then we discount the situation because the impact in that particular moment is pretty minor. So I hear this from my clients all the time, they'll say, "Oh, this is such a silly thing." And they don't even want to waste a minute looking into it. They bring it to me as a problem, then they're like, "No, never mind, I don't want to talk about that. Let's talk about big things." Because they think that it's insignificant. But really, it isn't. Not only do these minor moments add up in the form of wasted time, wasted energy, or opportunity. But they also create problems, because the way we do one thing is the way we do many things. So what I'm talking about today is recognizing and breaking these well-practiced patterns of stalling ourselves out by way of the tiny moments in our lives. 

So that's a pretty big lead-up, let's get to it. I love listening to podcasts, that's probably not a surprise being that I'm a podcaster. And you've probably heard me talk about that on the show. It's one of my favorite mediums. And it's often part of my morning routine. So I love taking my dog for a nice long walk in the morning. And using my free time being outside and moving my body to get me into an empowered state or to get me to where I want to think and feel for the day. And depending on the day, whether it's a coaching day, a creative day, administrative day. And depending on my starting state, whether I'm feeling inspired or tired or depressed or philosophical, I want to listen to something that gives me fuel that - that helps me get into that state. So it's the - the perfect cocktail of the movement and the space and the nature and then listening to something that's really - you know - fulfilling me in a way that I am not currently thinking about, right. 

So I have different podcasts that fill different needs like that we all do. And often, particularly when I'm feeling inadequate, I will open my podcast player, I'll scroll through my favorite shows, and try to find the right episode. I only have 30 to 45 minutes, usually to listen to something, so I want to make it count. And I can't find anything that speaks to me. So maybe the titles or the descriptions are interesting. There's something that I think, "Oh, I'll listen to that someday". But it's not what I'm looking for right now. And I can stand there when I'm not paying attention, I can see on their own scroll, and scroll and scroll. And my poor dog is begging for us to just go already, she's already hooked up to the leash, she's staring at me. And she's just like, "What is your deal, lady? Let's go." And the longer this goes on. I mean, I'm not talking 15 seconds, I'm talking sometimes five minutes while I'm standing there, I'm getting more and more frustrated with myself. This is the very definition of you can't see the forest through the trees, right. I'm trying to find a podcast to help me boost my mood to start my day with intention and to feel good. And I'm standing here like making my mood worse trying to find the right episode. 

And so I want to bring this full circle, because yes, this is kind of a silly example. But it's so real. This is something that plays out in my life in this way. And in many other ways. And the same thing is true for you. When I believe that a podcast episode is the thing that's going to make or break my day, or even just make or break my walk, then, of course, it's going to feel really high stakes. But that is all or nothing thinking. See, I know that my thoughts are what create my feelings and that a podcast episode will never be able to do that. And not only that but what would make it the right or wrong episode, even if that were a thing would also be my thoughts about it. But at the moment, it really does seem like there is a podcast episode that is exactly what I need to hear. And it feels really important that I find the right one. So this brings me to the solution. The first part, of course, is catching myself playing out this pattern that is always going to be the first step to making any kind of change. You've got to catch yourself in the act or evaluate after the fact and really look at you know, "What did I do? And was that useful for me? Did it get me the result that I wanted? Or did it create something else entirely?" 

And the reason that it works for me is because when I catch myself doing things like this, I don't beat myself up about it. I don't think that there's something wrong with me, because I play out this pattern where I get frustrated with podcasts. I don't think that that's a problem. And I said a minute ago that it's kind of a silly example, but the truth is, I don't believe it's silly, I believe that it's human. And I catch these. I'm not even going to say a flaw, but what we might label otherwise. We catch ourselves doing things like this. And then instead of judging them and saying, oh, that's stupid, we shouldn't behave like that, we say, "Oh, that's really interesting" - how - I see why I'm doing that. And it's not effective. So let me do something else. It has to be gentle shifts, it has to be your ability to talk to yourself kindly, and just navigate in a different direction, rather than trying to shame yourself into a different direction that never, ever works. Not for the ultimate goal of health and happiness in life, right? 

So, I see myself doing things like this. And I say, "Oh, hey, yeah, I'm doing that thing again. I know what would be more effective, so let's do that instead." So this solution starts with the awareness and the kindness toward yourself in these moments, and truly seeing them as valuable moments, not just silly things that we do. Once you've got that awareness, then what you change is your thoughts. 

So, for me in this situation, it's a combination. It's a thought that combines both intuition and choice. So I made a decision when I realized that this was a pattern that I was frequently playing out, I decided that instead of believing the thought, when my brain says, "Oh, hey, make sure you pick the right podcast episode to boost your mood and be happy today,"  then instead of believing that that was necessary, I was going to choose to believe that I always hear exactly what I need to hear. And I may not even recognize that it's what I need to hear while I'm listening to the episode itself. But I decided to trust that this is always going to be true, I will always choose to hear what it is that I need to hear at that moment. And so when I think this, it really taps me back into my intuition, and I enjoy believing that there is something that's deeper in me, than what I'm conscious of something that is always very clear and very grounded and guiding me toward - it is - whatever it is that I need. 

So this is true for big decisions, and it's also true for podcast episodes. And so giving myself that permission to just trust that there's always something of value for me and that I just want to be open to hearing what it is, that helps me move forward so much quicker because I don't have to worry about finding it, or understanding it at the get-go. I can just trust that it's going to work out in the way that it's supposed to. And so instead of overthinking instead of being frustrated at myself for taking so long, I've just given myself permission to get what I need from whatever is available to me right now. 

Or another version of that thought is simply, "I'll get something valuable out of this." And I think for many podcast episodes, maybe it's not true for every podcast episode out there, but there are always some gems in it. If you are open to finding it, it's never going to hurt you to listen to any podcast episode. They're all great. That's another thought. But it serves me really well. They're all great, I will get something out of this no matter what. And thinking that way doesn't mean that I never start a podcast episode and then decide to pick something else. I do. 

Sometimes I'm like, okay, yep, I'm not feeling it right now. And because I don't need to be right. It's not that this belief is about me, always picking the right answer right away, right? That's exactly perfectionistic thinking. That's another level of it. So there is no right podcast episode, there's simply, I choose what I need to hear. And that works really well for me. So I don't have to stick with something just because I picked it. I'm always free to change my mind after I've started. But deciding to believe that I always choose what it is that I need to hear, it gives me freedom. It doesn't lock me into every decision that I ever make. And that is the importance of finding thoughts that really support you. Because this thought may not - that - it may not be freeing to you, that you always choose what you need to hear that may feel more like pressure that may feel like you have to choose right. And so really getting into this practice of recognizing what your perfectionistic tendencies are, where you saw yourself out and kind of playing with some of the optional thoughts. If it's not true that there's such a thing as a right podcast episode, what is true? Is it true perhaps that you'll get value out of anything that you listen to - that you are open to hearing a deeper meaning. Or, if you're open to fate, intervening and putting exactly the - the - the thing that you need to hear, I'm air quoting, because I really wanted to say the word right. And I'm trying to remove that from my vocabulary. But that's a sidebar. 

So if you have - if you play with some of these thoughts and just see how it feels on your body, see if it feels freeing to see if it gives you a sense of kindness and self-compassion, see if it gives you permission to just choose something and go. And that is going to give you so much more freedom and movement in your life and really support what it is, you know, the greater purpose of what you're doing. Because being perfectionistic, and stalling yourself out is never in support of your highest good. 

So these are the tiny moments of our lives that will give you the opportunity to free yourself from your perfectionistic tendencies. So if you struggled to make decisions on exactly what I've shared today, or something similar, anything that feels very important, unnecessary to you that you're really putting a stranglehold on and it's stalling you out. I really hope that this episode has given you some ideas and even a solution to try on and see what works for you. And I encourage you to start paying attention to what it is that you're overthinking. And if you're overthinking it is driven by all-or-nothing thinking. This is such an important understanding to have of yourself and it will take you so many wonderful places in life. So I hope that this episode has been helpful. I hope you enjoyed this story. Have a fabulous week and thank you for listening.

Linsi Brownson  16:51  

Thanks for listening to the brilliant in your business podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you heard something particularly insightful or inspiring, I would really love to know what it was. And I'd love to get your review. So I have a fun way to do this. Come and find me on Instagram at Linsi Brownson and send me a private message with a voice memo or a quick note, something that I can share here on the show. As a thank you for sharing your thoughts about the show, I've made a special gift to get you energized and inspired when you open your laptop. I created some beautifully designed desktop wallpaper with some of my favorite mantras and motivational ideas that I think you will love to see. It's a win-win and a fun way for us to connect. So come find me on Instagram @linsibrownson and let me know what you think.